My Only Friend
by M. Sarah C
Summary: Naruto’s social life is as non-existent as his parents. When everyone you know thinks you’re a monster, it’s particularly hard to make friends. But Naruto does have one friend, whether he likes it or not… Naruto AT. (self harm, depressing/suicidal thoughts, suicide) **All the fun stuff!**
1. My Only Friend

**Oh wow. Gosh, golly gee. She's made another one. Doesn't she have enough works in progress? Hasn't she not updated (insert any of my work in progress stories) in so long? How come she can't stay on one thing.**

**Answer.**

**I don't know, don't ask me.**

**Sorry, but this is what you get for following a madman on a fanfiction site**

**...**

Chapter 1: My Only Friend

Naruto shuffled the door open and closed it, locking it tight. He'd been out all night, which was honestly better than inside. The forest was loud enough to drown out any voices or thoughts. Naruto would've just slept there instead but he didn't need to be more of a freak.

So he just dealt with the silence of the apartment. And everything that came with that.

Naruto undressed and went into the bathroom. He splashed his face with cold water. It trickled down. The foundation slowly came off. He stared at the heavy bags, disgusted at himself. Yeah, you are disgusting.

Naruto turned away from the mirror. He was done looking at himself. He plopped himself onto his bed. No more sound. No more distractions.

He'd have to lay there with his thoughts.

And… his only friend.

_**Ignored me quite well today, I'm hurt.**_

"Boo hoo," Naruto said aloud. There wasn't much of a point of saying it but it just felt good.

_**You mock me, but you'd be worse without me. I'm your only company. You wouldn't want me leaving now, would you?**_

Naruto groaned and flipped to his side, covering his ears with his pillow. It wouldn't help but he liked pretending it would.

"Shut up. I'm tired and I'm going to sleep."

_**You really think you'll sleep, even if I leave you alone?**_

"YES! Now shut up!"

_**Alright then, have it your way, I'll see YOU in the morning.**_

Naruto laid on the bed, his head still swimming. He'd rather have the bitter silence than listen to him. He didn't need confirmation that he was a monster. He already knew. Everyone already knew.

...

Naruto forced himself out of the bed. Funny how it only seemed warm and inviting when he had to get out of it. It was awful. His body screamed at him to stop and his head was swirling. Naruto dropped to the floor as he stood up. He hadn't slept at all. Again.

_**Now what did I tell you?**_

Naruto's head throbbed. He slowly stood up and walked into the bathroom. He washed his face, brushed his teeth and slowly re-applied the foundation to his bags. It worked fairly well. Naruto smiled wide into the mirror, making sure it wasn't too psychotic.

_**Go on, smile. Smile, you worthless little freak.**_

Naruto went to the kitchen. He grabbed a ramen cup and heated it. He shoved it down and got dressed. He grabbed his keys and locked the door. The cold, bitter wind pricked at his face. It woke him up, a little. Naruto hopped up onto the rooftops and made his way to the skirts of the bordered in forest. Naruto walked through the giants of green and brown. He had stopped walking through town a while ago. It was just better to take the long way.

_**Not keen on socializing, boy?**_

"Yeah, yeah. Just shut up."

It was also nice since no one was around to hear him snapping at himself.

Naruto turned the corner to the Ninja Academy. He wasn't exactly sure why he still went there. No one liked him there, well, no one liked him. He also wasn't very good. Naruto supposed he just went cuz' the Hokage told him to.

Which he was fine with.

It was better than being alone.

Then again, he was never alone, was he?

_**No, you're not.**_

He wished he was alone.

Naruto quickly entered class and sat down. He liked to go early so there wasn't anyone there when he sat down. It was the easiest way to avoid getting punched or shoved.

Besides, what else was he gonna do with all that free time?

Naruto sat his down onto the desk and rimmed the outlines of scratch marks. The clock ticked loudly, making his headache worse. Seemed like everything hated him. Not that it wasn't well deserved.

He wished he could hate every single person who lived in this town, but Naruto couldn't bring himself to. It was understandable why they hated him. He hated himself so there wasn't really a point in judging. Naruto would've left a long time ago if the Third Hokage didn't care.

He seemed to be the only person who didn't hate him. Naruto still wasn't sure why.

So he stayed.

_**Well now, I care, don't I?**_

"I hate you."

"Good morning Naruto," Iruka said not even glancing at him.

Crap. He'd just said he hated him. He just kept screwing up, didn't he?

"Morning Iruka Sensei."

Naruto covered his face even more to hide his shame.

...

Class was the same. Naruto practiced, kept to himself, and just engrossed himself into his work. People can't talk to you if you're too busy.

Naruto had long since abandoned speaking to anyone else his age. They all hated him just as much as everyone else. In fact, some of them hated him even more. He tried to avoid those kids.

Naruto walked into the forest. He trained there a lot. While he didn't have a drive to be a ninja, it gave himself something better to do. It gave him another reason not to leave, which was appreciated.

No one wants you to be one, don't you know that? They're afraid of you becoming stronger. Well, more correctly, they're afraid of ME getting stronger.

"Then they don't have anything to worry about, right?"

"Worry about what?"

Naruto jerked around. Just his luck, there was a kid right behind him. Naruto recognized from his class. He was the one with dark hair and the one all the girls fonned over.

He'd never talked to the kid, not even on accident.

"This is my training spot."

"Sorry, I'll leave," Naruto mumbled, deciding to go deeper into the forest.

"Who were you talking to?"

Naruto stopped. He was still talking to him?

"No one…" Naruto raced away. He didn't wanna stand there any longer. The dark haired kid probably thought he was crazy, which was probably true.

Y_**es, you are crazy. And he's an Uchiha. What's filth like you talking to an Uchiha for?**_

Uchiha? Naruto had heard the named tossed around and he had threatened to call the police on some trespassers, but he always thought that was just the name of the police force.

Whatever, it didn't matter. He wasn't gonna meet up with him again.

Naruto opened the door with his key and walked inside. Naruto glanced at the broken glass and the brick laying on his bed.

Well, dinner was canceled for the next week.

Naruto picked up the paper tied around the brick and closed the door. He tossed it onto the table. He took a shower, letting all the sweat and makeup rinse off. Naruto cleaned up the glass and grabbed a piece of cardboard. He taped it to where the hole was.

Morbid curiosity got the better of him so Naruto picked up the paper and read.

_Leave, freak. We don't want you here anymore. If you won't, we'll make you._

Naruto rolled his eyes at the threat and tossed it back into the table. He had gotten several letters, all delivered the same way. Naruto thought he finally might have enough money to pay for food instead of house repairs but oh well.

_**Awww. Isn't that cute? THEM threatening US? Like they could hurt us…**_

"They can hurt me. That's the whole reason we avoid them, isn't it?"

_**I could make them not hurt you. I could give you power like you can't imagine. Just let me…**_

"Yeah, a monster doesn't need more power."

_**I hate you.**_

"I hate you too."

Naruto grabbed a pill from the kitchen and popped it in his mouth. He chewed the melatonin with a fury only described at Choji eating chips.

Naruto plopped down on the bed and closed his eyes.

_**Did I ever tell you about when we murdered your parents? Imagine a look of anger, fear, and disappointment mixed with pain.**_

"I don't need a bedtime story. I'm not two."

_**Blood poured from each of the wounds. I'm pretty sure they were impaled too. How long do you think it took to clean all that up?**_

"Shut up."

_**Your father was so pathetic giving you up like that. Giving you up to become one with me. Thought he'd be saving others. Your mother screamed at him as they both slowly died.**_

"Shut up."

_**Crying, boy? I don't see why. After all, we are the same person. You're enjoying hearing it as much as I am, aren't you?**_

"Shut up, Kurama."

_**Ohhhh, you never use my name. That angry? Or maybe that sad? You do want a lullaby? Since you're this much of a crybaby.**_

"Will you shut up if I do it?!"

_**I thought you'd never ask. Yes, yes I will.**_

Naruto got up from bed and opened his closet. He climbed all the way to the back.

The corner was stained with blood drops and a kunai laid there, waiting, itching, to be used. Naruto sat down onto the cold floor.

_**How deep do you want to cut? Just a scrape or do you wanna go for tissue. Maybe bone? I can heal it all so don't be afraid of scars showing.**_


	2. Group Project

Iruka wasn't sure what to think of Naruto. He was an alright student. He got average grades which was weird since he always seemed to be shoving himself into every single assignment he gave him. Iruka wanted to like him but he couldn't stop seeing the fox.

He had only had him for a week but it was still driving him crazy.

But Iruka had more pressing matters… Sasuke. He wasn't sure how to handle this. Something like this had never happened. To be orphaned is one thing but it's another to lose everyone. Iruka wasn't a psychiatrist.

But he couldn't just watch his student struggle. As his teacher, it was his responsibility to look out for his students' well-being. And it doesn't help that a lot of the kids aren't taking it seriously. Sasuke was already a bit of a recluse.

He didn't have very many friends so this was obviously taking its toll. He tried to hide it but Iruka knew the face of someone who's struggling.

Iruka laid on his bed, his mind swimming too much for sleep. At some point, he'd have to sleep but he could put it off a little. He had to figure out what to do.

But again, he didn't know what to do. He could try maybe talking to him, seeing if he needed someone. He just needs to reach out somehow. But he didn't want to force him into talking. He wasn't sure what to do.

He was incredibly tired so he got up to make some tea. He put it on the stove and kept it at a low burn. Iruka smiled at the fond memories of making tea with his mother. Trying different flavors and seeing which ones their favorite. Discussing small talk like it was some sort of business meeting.

She'd ask if there were any cute girls and Iruka would profusely say no. They'd talk about, friends, they'd talk about problems…

He missed her so much.

Iruka went to the table and sipped the tea slowly, running through the memory for some hidden inspiration, just waiting to hit him.

Friends.

Sasuke needed friends.

Talking to an adult isn't the same as talking to a peer. When you're talking with friends, you feel more comfortable. You feel like you can speak your mind. It's not the same with authority figures. You feel like you owe it to them to tell them what's wrong.

The worst part about losing his parents was feeling so alone. Like no one cared. He'd mess up just so someone would pay attention to him. Just so there was a reason.

Iruka mulled it over.

He cleaned up the tea and sat back in bed. Making friends. He could do that. Sasuke probably wouldn't like it but socializing might do him some good. But how was he gonna force him out of his shell.

Iruka grimaced as a thought slowly protruded its way into his mind. _Forgive me Sasuke, but we're gonna have to do a group project._

...

Sasuke sat in his seat watching the clouds gently roll by. He would pay attention in class if class ever decided to start. Their teacher just kept rambling on and on about something like teamwork. The clock ticked at what felt like an unnatural pace every single scratch of pencil made him feel like he was about to burst.

"Point is, we are going to have a collaboration exercise. You'll pair up in three and put your deduction skills to the test. You will have to find and retrieve a scroll hidden somewhere in the forest and bring it back before noon. Ready?"

"This sounds like a group project," Shikamura interjected. It was a little surprising since Shikamaru didn't speak all that often.

"That's because it is a group project-"

Sasuke listened to the entire class groan in unison. Sasuke wasn't too thrilled with the idea either. He knew none of these kids and didn't like any of them.

"Like I was saying, it is a group project. One of the most important parts of being a ninja is knowing how to cooperate together."

"May we choose are groups?" Ino asked innocently. Sasuke knew what this was going to lead to.

"Nope! I'll be choosing the groups today."

Sasuke sighed and looked out the window. As long as he didnt get partnered up with one of the girls, he was fine. He didn't like girls fawning over him even though he wasn't that strong. It was bothersome.

"As long I don't get paired with the demon kid," a voice snickered behind him. Sasuke closed his eyes and clamped his hands together, slightly praying he doesn't either.

"First group. Sasuke, Shikamaru, and Choji."

Sasuke breathed a sigh of relief and looked at his teammates. They seemed fine enough. Though Choji was pretty fat.

"Second group. Ino, Sakura, and Hinata."

Sakura and Ino glared at each other. Sasuke felt a little pity for Hinata, being stuck with those two.

He went on for a bit. Just listing off names as kidd either cheered or groaned. Finally, after what seemed like forever he called the last name.

"...and Naruto."

Sasuke grinned slightly as he heard two students groan and complain.

Sasuke glanced at the back of the class. He looked as uninterested as Sasuke felt. He didn't react to his different teammates. He was just… silent.

Freaky.

"Now, go. You've got three hours. Oh, and be careful where you step."

Sasuke got up from his seat and made his way to the door. Shikamaru put his arms around his back and took a more leisurely walk, which annoyed Sasuke. They only had three hours. Choji chatted with Shikamaru and ate chips gingerly. Going that slow is gonna get someone killed.

Apparently, neither of his teammates cared about doing a good job. Idiots.

Sasuke rushed out the door before Shikamaru and Choji could catch up.

Finding the scroll was easy. Getting the scroll, that was different. Sasuke stared at the scroll hanging gently from the tree. It was tied by a single piece of rope.

Thing was, this scroll had several different booby traps set up in front of it. They seemed to be interconnected and if one went off, the others would follow. At least, that's what Shikamaru had told them.

He was actually really smart when he got around to the whole doing stuff.

Choji was stilluching away at chips as the group huddled together deciding what to do.

"If we set off all the traps, then we can just grab it." Chojo said.

"But what if there's another trap we haven't accounted for and it goes off without us noticing." Sasuke said. It was stupid to jsut do stuff without knowing what you're doing in the first place.

"He's right. This is a ninja we're dealing with. We can't rush into this just yet."

Shikamaru looked at the tree again, the scroll dangling from it, blowing slightly in the wind.

"Hey Sasuke, ya think you could cut the rope holding the scroll?"

"Yeah, I guess. Why?"

"I have an idea."

...

Iruka felt a jutsu come undone. Someone had fallen for the trap. He walked through the forest, coming upon the tree. The scroll laid in the middle of the restrictment curse.

Obviously, someone hadn't paid attention during class.

How someone could be stupid enough to just into something and take the scroll was beyond him. Probably dragged their frozen teammate somewhere else.

Iruka picked up the scroll and felt his body immediately freeze. He looked behind him, his shadow leading behind a tree. From behind it popped out Sasuke, Shikamaru and Choji. They'd just tricked him.

"That was a good plan, Shikamaru." Sauske grinned as he grabbed the scroll from his hands.

Good, he was making friends.


	3. The Advantages to Having-

**Ok, must admit something. I know last chapter probably felt rushed (honestly wasn't my best work, shoulda worked on it more), especially since I posted it a couple days after the last one, so ima just say this now.**

**I didn't try to rush. In fact, I didn't rush. I've had it written since I published chapter One. It was a kinda a filler chapter but it was important cuz I had to set up quite a lot of things.**

**Since this is an AT, (alternate timeline), I wanted to establish what was still the same. (I also wanted to write Iruka boi, cuz I loike himmm). Sorry that tha last one was a bit disappointing to mi first one. The next chapters will most likely be much longer and stronger. And don't worry, we have a lot more page time with our depressed uwu bean (why am I typing like this, I never type like this).**

**Also no, mi author more's are not professional btw.**

**Soo, making things simple, ima post every Saturday til da story's over. Currently, me only working on another one after dis (despite what my library tell u). I apologize for my carnal sin and ima try to make each chapter as long as the first (wish meh luck).**

**Last thing, I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW MANY PEOPLE LIKE THIS?! I WAS ON CLOUD NINE WHEN I GOT ALL THE EMAILS. IT STILL MAKES ME BUBBLE INSIDE! THANK YOU SOO MUCH FOR ALL THE FEEDBACK! I COULD USE SOME! THANK YOU YOU SOO SOOOOOOO MUCH!**

Chapter 3: The Advantages to Having a Demon in Your Head

_**Beat up again? You DID do what they asked you to.**_

"I don't care…"

_**No, no you wouldn't filth.**_

Naruto walked home, limping slightly. Apparently, they had turned in the scroll too late and they were pretty mad at him for him not being faster.

Naruto wasn't the one to fight so he just took the beating. Besides, the pain might knock him out faster. Naruto picked up his pace, the cold stinging at his bruises. It howled furiously and aggressively. It was gonna rain soon. Now he HAD to get there faster.

Naruto reached the apartment complex as the rain began to fall. Naruto swiftly unlocked the door and shut it behind him, locking it tight. The cardboard had been blown off the remaining window and onto the ground. Rain lightly poured through the hole.

_**How unfortunate.**_

Naruto groaned and grabbed the cardboard. He held it over the hole as he took off his blanket and sheet. He shuffled through his closet, pulling out a covering and put it over his bed.

He'd have to deal with the window tomorrow. Naruto gathered the blankets and dropped them down onto the floor.

_**Pretty chilly tonight. Isn't it getting close to your birthday?**_

"Does it matter?"

_**Of course it does! It means that you've been breathing for nine pathetic years! It's also the night that I slaughtered dozens of people including your parents!**_

"I'll get the party favors if you can handle the invitations."

Naruto covered himself further into the blankets and just as he was hoping, began to feel woozy and sleepy.

Pain, the best sleep medicine. He'd have to thank those guys later.

Naruto smiled slightly as fell into a deep sleep, something he hadn't had in the last two weeks.

...

Naruto felt sunlight prick at his face. He looked around confused. His room. His bed. His clock…

No! He was late!

_**Took you long enough.**_

Naruto scrambled, flinging things all across the apartment. Breakfast was out of the option for today.

Naruto scrambled everything and burst out the front door. He raced through town. Let them stare, he didn't have time. The sound of shoes hitting pavement was loud, especially at the rate. Naruto felt their eyes in his back. While this had happened many times before, it still bugged him. And sacred him.

Crap, no. Focus, you need to get there. You need to get there. You need to get there. Naruto barely made it to the door as others shoved and pushed their way up.

He got trampled as several different kids pushed their way into class.

For the first time in who knows how long, he was actually the last person standing in class.

"Demon kid was late. What, had a bad dream?" He heard someone snicker.

"Enough, no more talking, we have notes today."

_**Notes. I wonder what? Wouldn't matter now, would it? Since you're too idiotic to learn anything anyway.**_

"Today, we'll be learning some new kanji pertaining to missions and be writing full reports on a fake mission each of you will be given."

_**Ahh, writing. You're horrible at that, aren't you? Bet your father would be so disappointed.**_

Naruto rolled his eyes. He was used to Kurama's constant jabbing.

The clock ticked rhythmically. Naruto took notes feverishly, drowning out anything he might say by reciting the words in his head. By the time everyone had turned in their assignments, Naruto had completely spaced him.

They practiced more outside. Push ups, running, throwing kunai, the usual. Naruto did good enough to pass, even though he was trying as hard as he could.

_**Absolutely pathetic.**_

...

By the time school was out, Naruto was ready to go home but he HAD to stop by the repairman today. The clouds were already coming back and threatening a horrible downpour.

The repair shop was near his apartment so he could just stop by there on his way back. The solid ground reminded him that he was, in fact, not asleep. Sometimes, it was really hard to tell what was real and what wasn't.

_**Good thing you have me, right? Tell you what's real because you can't anymore, pathetic little whelp?**_

Guess that was a positive.

"Well, if it isn't Naruto Uzumaki. What can I do you for?" Kente Tanaka said, with an edge in his tone. He was very polite with him but Naruto could still tell that he hated his guts.

_**No wonder. After all, we did murder his poor wife.**_

"Another broken window."

"Tsk. That's a lot of glass there. You need to be more careful with your kunai."

Naruto shrugged. He should be more careful. He should invest in a beware sign.

"Well, I can look at it tomorrow if you'd like, but I'm booked tonight."

**_He's lying, see how he fiddles with his middle finger whenever he doesn't tell the truth?_**

Naruto had to admit that Kurama was very smart and incredibly observant. Though, he could use a little more privacy and not a constant string of replying to his thoughts.

He didn't need to know if someone was lying to him. Scratch that, he didn't WANT to know if someone was lying to him. Made it harder to pretend.

"Sure, that works."

Naruto was halfway home when he stopped. As much as sleep was calling him, he can't afford to sleep in like that again.

...

Sasuke's mind kept circling back to those words.

"Run… keep running… and cling to life."

Cling to life. Cling to life. Cling to life. Cling to life. He was mocking him. He was mocking him.

Of course he was.

Itachi was stuck in his head, like a permanent scar across his mind. His words that night were still fresh, heck, he'd memorized every single line of his little speech. He remembered the cold sting of that night, the breeze. How every single lantern was unlit.

The long trail of blood.

The blood on his face.

The fact that everyone was dead.

The fact that he lived, and his parents didn't.

The fact that they meant nothing to him.

Sasuke has barely spoken to Shikamaru and Choji after their assignment. He didn't have time. The only person that kept sneaking their way into his thoughts was that demon kid. He was quiet and non-responsive. Almost like a statue or a puppet.

Or a weapon.

He didn't know much about the Nine Tailed Fox, other than that it was very dangerous and very powerful. Sasuke couldn't help but imagine the kind of power you could have if you could wield it. Wield a demon.

Maybe the kid already knew how. Maybe they were just waiting for the perfect moment to strike.

Sasuke punched into the tree again, splinters scattering from the point of impact.

Sasuke heard something from behind him and jerked around.

Speak of a yokai and they appear.

He hadn't noticed him yet. He seemed to be training, hard. The yellow hair stood out in strange directions. If the kid had ever tried to brush it then that have obviously failed. His skin was tanner than Sasuke's or most of the other kids, but his face was the weirdest part. Not that face markings were uncommon since about two other kids in his class had them, but his looked more like scars. They weren't indented but it still sorta looked like it, but they sorta looked like whiskers. Not unsettling at all.

Not much scared Sasuke anymore. The memory of that night trumped most others things that a nine year old could be scared of. But there was that kid. Sasuke didn't say anything. The kid really freaked him out and he didn't want to talk to him ever again.

...

Naruto opened the door and shoved it tight. It was already raining so he'd have to work fast. Naruto shuffled through his closet for an old cardboard box. He picked it up and emptied the contents. Only one thing fell out. A stuffed bear.

It was the only toy he'd ever owned.

It was incredibly old and hadn't been washed in years. He vaguely remembered having it when he was still at the nursery but only slightly. Whatever, it was useless now. Naruto picked up the cardboard, leaving the bear where it was, sitting alone in the dark.

_**How heartless.**_

Naruto tore the cardboard box up into three pieces. He laid them on top of each other. He knew he didn't have tape so he'd have to think of something else.

He'd remembered a sticking seal in a scroll somewhere but couldn't remember where.

_**Ugh, it's name is A Comprehensive Guide to Jutsu Seals.**_

Naruto smiled slightly and grabbed the scroll. He copied it four times and began to apply it the edges. Finally, it looked like it might hold. Now all he has to do was clean up the water.

Naruto smiled and quickly frowned at his handiwork. He shouldn't be proud of this. Well, he shouldn't be proud of anything really.

_**Yes. You shouldn't.**_


	4. Alone

**Heyo, another author note! As you can probs tell, I edited the earlier chapters. That's because I had been using my phone and it wouldn't save important things, like italics and bolding as well as '…' which signify either a time skip or a POV change. **

**So yeet, issues been fixed, rest of chapters will proceed just like this. Enjoy Kurama's lovely effect and actually being able to tell what's going on! Thanks for all the love and support! Please keep making comments and giving me suggestions (so i can catch mistakes like these, darn app), it makes me soo happy!**

**Also, rip the short chapter but it's necessary. **

**Chapter 4: Alone**

The room was absolutely quiet. The kind that rips at you in a way you wouldn't expect. It latches on and holds you still. It chips away slowly at your mind until there's nothing left.

Alone.

So alone.

No one.

But you.

_**Do I not count?**_

Naruto ignored the question and closed his eyes for the hundredth time.

The pitch blackness was an old acquaintance Naruto had grown much too familiar with. His eye bag hung heavy, completely wrecking his outward appearance. If someone had mistaken him for a corpse, he wouldn't blame them.

He felt like one.

He was going to sleep. He was going to sleep. He was going to sleep.

_**You're an idiot. Repeating things won't make them happen. **_

"Shut up."

_**Why should I? You don't sleep whether I talk to you or not. Besides, you wanted this…**_

"Please shut up."

_**How about NO.**_

Naruto sighed and spaced him out. It wasn't easy, but Naruto had had years to practice.

Focus on the fabric. It was soft, for the most part. And heavey. It weighed on his chest but not by much. He still breathed with ease. The feel reminded him vaguely of soft pillow he could never remember owning, if he tried.

Naruto laid sprawled across the floor, deep in covers. The bed was no comfort and provided no sleep. It just reminded him that he should be sleeping. Which is the last thing you want when you're trying to. You have to focus on not focusing on anything. Which isn't easy.

Especially when his body kept reminding him that eating was a thing he had to do on a regular basis.

The heavy blanket cocooned his body in a beautiful but unbearable warmth. How anything could be so warm without any reason to was baffling.

It was soft.

What was it made of?

Cotton?

Like sheep.

He should count sheep.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

Five.

Six…

seven…

eight...

_**n i n e**_

…

Two hundred.

Two hundred in one.

Two hundred in two.

_**It's not going to help.**_

"You aren't helping either."

_**What do you want from me? I'm not a psychiatrist. I'm a demon. How can a demon help a worthless child sleep?**_

"By leaving me alone."

_**Ohhhh. You might regret those words… **_

"I won't."

_**Fine then. I'll leave. I'll let your own subconsciousness mess with you.**_

Naruto pressed his eyes closed. Think about nothing. Nothing. Just nothing.

Hours passed, the sunlight drifting into the room. He didn't have school today. So he kept trying. The silence scraped into him. The hollow empty consumed him.

Naruto swore the clock had a vendetta against him as it thumped loudly in his head like the banging of symbols.

Naruto bit into lip, drawing blood like he often did. He tried to focus on the physical pain and blood welling in his mouth but his head still throbbed like nothing had ever changed.

Nothing would ever change.

He just wanted to sleep.

Why couldn't he just sleep?

Why?

_You don't deserve it._

This wasn't Kurama. He had a voice, clear and decisive. This came as a single thought that played through his mind.

Over and over. Over and over. Over and over.

The thought was right. He doesn't deserve to sleep.

_You don't deserve anything. You don't deserve happiness. You don't deserve peace. You don't deserve to live._

He doesn't.

But he can't leave.

He promised himself he wouldn't.

Not while the third Hokage was here.

_Wouldn't it be better for him if his headache was gone? Wouldn't it be better if he didn't have anyone to worry about?_

That's … wrong.

That's not how it works.

_You're dumb._

He knew that.

_You're worthless._

He knew that.

_You should just die._

He knew that.

_**You don't deserve to die.**_

Huh?

_**Death's not a punishment. It's an escape. You don't deserve to escape. You deserve to be trapped in this pathetic little life of yours.**_

...right.

He can't keep thinking so selfishly. Naruto had to stay here. After all, this was his punishment. Criminals don't get to end their lives in prison. They have to stay there till someone else decides they die.

He'd have to wait for his turn.

_**I can't leave you alone, can I? Get silly ideas in your head.**_

"Guess not."


	5. The Issue Child

_**aight, mi bois. I knu i said i'd only publish once a week, but Chapter 4 was short and i can't help myself. I **__**already**__** have up the chapter 11 written and mi can't do dis. Here's ya goeses. **_

**CHAPTER 5: The Issue Child.**

Iruka closes his eyes. He squeezes them harder, but the fox won't go away.

The nightmares had been worse since he started teaching him.

It wasn't the kids fault, but he couldn't help it. Even as a full grown adult, Naruto was a little intimidating. He was quiet, mumbled a lot, and never seemed fully there. It was a lot how Sasuke would sometimes act but this was more… sinister feeling. He just felt unsure about the kid.

Which was unfortunate considering that he was tasked with looking out for him.

Iruka leaned back in his chair, the wood pressing against his back reminding him that he was, in fact, awake. The tea was a little cold, but that was how he liked it.

Jasmine tea was his favorite, as well as his mother's. His dad didn't care for it that much. He preferred Oolong tea. When your mother runs a tea shop, you get to try a variety of different types.

She had retired from being a ninja when she had him. Said that was her best decision ever since Iruka was apparently a full time job.

His mother would sometimes hand-make tea, just for his birthday. It always tasted better that way. She was so proud of him when he was learned to be a ninja.

Said he was following his father's footsteps. Iruka had fond memories of his father. Big, strong, and kind. Giant hands that were incredibly gentle.

Iruka put his hands up to the window, the pale light passing through his fingers. They would never be that big.

The moon shone through the clouds, illuminating the dark room. It had been raining a lot lately. It had let up enough for the full moon to be on display. It shone brightly, reminding him of an illustration he had seen in a children's folk tale. About the moon. About a legendary battle.

But recently, the moon had been blocked out by the dark clouds. Which was weird since June was usually when they got the most rain. They were too inland to be real typhoons so it was probably just the backlash.

It just seemed a tad depressing, all the rain. Especially how close it was getting to that day. Only a week. Hope the rain let's up before then.

The anniversary of his parents' death was coming faster than he'd like. And he'd have to sit in class with a constant reminder staring at him.

The thought seemed way too bitter for Iruka. It kinda surprised him how much malice there could be by just...thinking.

Iruka didn't think he hated the boy. After all, all he did was be born. And that wasn't his fault either. But it felt like it was. Maybe his mind was just filling in the holes. It wanted someone to hate, someone he could focus his anger onto. Since the fox isn't here.

He had to constantly remind himself that the kid isn't the fox.

The kid isn't the fox.

The kid isn't the fox.

The kid is…

What was he? Well, a jinjuriki, but what else? What else was he?

Was he quiet all the time or only at school? What did he do after school? What does he wanna be anyway?

Who was he?

Iruka came upon the sudden realization too bitter to swallow.

He didn't know him.

He doesn't know a kid who he's spent two weeks teaching.

That was crazy. He's spent days upon days with the kid and he barely knew anything past his name.

That was weird.

He should fix that.

…

"FREAK."

Ohhhh noo.

_**Let's break their legs. Give them a real beating. They won't mess with us again...**_

Ohhhh noo.

"Turn around, so we can see your worthless face."

Maybe if Naruto ignored him, they'd leave him alone. Maybe he could just will them out of existence. That'd be nice.

Yeah, that'd be nice.

"I SAID TURN AROUND! WE TOLD YOU TO LEAVE!"

_**Come on, just this once? We'll make them leave, won't we? Just a punch, or a kick? We could just scare them… Stop being a baby!**_

Kurama was getting excited. They really could've picked a better time. It was gonna be hard to ignore him.

"SAY SOMETHING YOU WORTHLESS FOX!"

_**I won't kill them. Just let me stretch, why don'tcha?**_

"YOU FREAK!"

They pushed him down to the ground, his face smaking hard against the pavement. Naruto groaned a little. His nose was definitely broken.

Someone kicked sharply into Naruto's gut. Pain seared from the impact. That hurt. A lot.

_**Worthless, pathetic. You're supposed to be a ninja, fighting back when someone attacks you should be instinct.**_

Another kick, this time, his back. The static pain was unbearable. Each blow felt like fire but Naruto restrained himself to groaning. No need to disturb the peace. He did enough of that already.

The kicks kept coming. They got more and more aggressive. Hitting to hurt. But not enough to kill.

_**They're afraid of murder. That's what separates us from them.**_

The constant pounding was starting to take its toll. Every hit released a pitiful groan. They seemed to get heavier and slower, but somehow hurt more than the ones before.

Naruto wondered when they'd eventually get bored and leave him alone.

But they just kept coming.

And coming.

And coming.

And coming...

He was so tired.

Tired?

That was such a funny word.

_**You worthless little bug, get up!**_

Worthless? That was a funny word to say. If you slurred it, it kinda sounded like a…

A what?

He wasn't sure.

But it sounded funny.

It was so funny, how tired he was.

So funny.

So tired.

So…

So…

Soooooooooo…

_**T**_

_**I**_

_**R**_

_**E**_

_**D**_

_**.**_

Naruto's head shot up from the garbage bag, soft rain padded down on his head, which was soaked. The alleyway was slightly lit by the light of lanterns, yellow emanating palely.

Naruto felt his nose. It wasn't broken anymore. But the blood was still there. It had dried. He felt around his body. He felt a little sore but nothing he couldn't handle.

He felt something that had been tucked into his vest. It was a crumpled note that read, 'Take this as a warning'.

He walked home in the rain.

Walking through the village wasn't as bad at night. Mostly because no one was there to watch him. It was quiet, the whole world seemed asleep. Even the sun itself looked lazy and droopy as it tumbled into a sunset. The only thing awake at this time was the stars and the moon.

And Naruto.

Though he couldn't see the moon out now. Only gray clouds gathering, swirling as a dark threatening mass. Waiting for someone to dare question its authority so it can obliterate them without hesitation.

Like _him_.

_**Like me.**_

It felt peaceful at night.

But he didn't know one thing about peace, did he?

_**No, you don't. You're me. We were born from chaos and we live to bring chaos. Don't you hate following all these stupid rules?**_

"I don't care."

_**You never do.**_

"Thanks for stating the obvious."

_**Not even going to thank me for healing you?**_

"I didn't ask you to."

_**How could you ever REPAY me?**_

"Fine."

_**Good boy. Good worthless little boy. **_


	6. Bitter Words

**THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH FOR ALL THE KINDS WORDS! Feel free to criticize my writing though. Tell meh if you think its going too fast. I'm always looking to improve! This seriously blew up and I didn't think it would. This is the first story I've written that's been steadily increasing every couple days! I'm so proud of this one and there's still so much more to come, so stay tuned!**

**Chapter 6: Bitter Words**

Naruto wasn't sure why Iruka had told him to wait after class but he didn't like it.

_**What? Iruka's not as bad as the others a couple nights ago? You were in no hurry to get out of there quickly?**_

"You know it's better if I don't fight back," Naruto whispered, waiting for his teacher. Iruka was doing something else currently. He wasn't in a hurry to find out what he wanted.

_**Sounds like you're scared of him.**_

"I can tell what I'm fee-"

Naruto cut off as Iruka entered the room. He moved up to the last row and sat in the desk right below his.

"Hey there Naruto, sorry about making you wait that long. Had to do something first."

His voice was soft, like he was talking to a child.

_**He IS talking to a child. You are one.**_

It really didn't feel like it.

"I was just wondering if I could ask you some questions."

"About what?"

"About you."

He wasn't serious. He seriously wasn't serious. There was no way in heck he was gonna talk about himself to his teacher.

"Why?"

"Well, I want to know all my students better so I can help them succeed. You're passing but you could be doing better."

_**Well now, he's just rubbing it in, isn't he?**_

"Alright, ask away."

"What do you wanna be when you grow up?"

Naruto paused. If there was any question he was unprepared for, it was this. He hadn't even thought of that. A ninja, I guess? How was he supposed to know?

He wanted to get a job so he could eat regularly. Did that count?

Crap, think quick. He's expecting an answer…

_**Hokage.**_

Hokage?

_**I'm just trying to help. Since you're too dumb to be creative.**_

"Hokage?"

Iruka jumped back at that response. Wrong answer apparently. Why did he even listen to Kurama?

_**Because you're an imbecile.**_

Right.

"I mean, ninja is fine."

"No! I think making high goals is good! Nothing's impossible if you put in a little elbow greese."

"Okay." Naruto didn't actually care but okay.

Iruka cleared his throat, "Alright, next question, what do you do with your free time?"

_**Wow, he's just hitting all the loaded questions, isn't he?**_

_**Oh, you know. Just the normal stuff. Trying to sleep, working yourself to exhaustion, starving yourself in order to pay rent, carving into your own flesh. That is, when you're not getting beaten to a pulp because you can't fight back.**_

"Train, I guess?"

It wasn't a lie. He worked out a lot. But it obviously wasn't showing.

"Is that all you do?"

Oh great. He was getting tired of this already.

"I mix with some studying I guess…"

"What are you interested in? What do you like to do just for yourself?"

_**'Oh, I like to talk with my friend, he's VERY fun to be around'.**_

His mocking voice gave Naruto a splitting headache. He tried to think of something, anything, to say but he just came up flat.

"Reading is nice."

He was a filthy little lair.

Iruka just kept asking more and more questions. Naruto had never wanted to leave a room so badly as he wanted to leave this one.

His headache just got worse and worse. He was so tired, all the time. He didn't wanna do this anymore. He didn't wanna be here anymore. This was just too much.

Crap, no. Don't drift. Keep answering. Keep it generic. Keep your eyes open worthless little-

…

Iruka's patience was wearing thin. Beside the 'Hokage' thing, he was just giving him typical stock answers.

It had already been more than thirty minutes. Iruka still knew next to nothing about the kid. He kept avoiding the questions like he didn't wanna talk about what he was doing.

Which was only a _little_ suspicious.

"Okay, do you really not like talking to me this much?"

The question was a little harsh but he couldn't help it.

Naruto jumped a little but only slightly.

"No, sorry."

"I just need you to be honest with me."

Iruka sighed and he glanced at the clock. He had a meeting soon, he needed to wrap things up.

"Is there anything that's bothering you? Something that might be distracting you from your work?"

"Nothing important."

"What do you mean by 'nothing important'?".

His eyes widen, and focused, like he had just messed up or something.

"It's nothing."

"Doesn't sound like it."

"I gotta go."

He quickly stood up but Iruka grabbed his wrist and held on tight.

"No, you don't! You're staying right here until you answer my question!"

"What question?"

"Don't play dumb."

Iruka felt his blood boiling. He didn't need this right now, especially when he's been trying so hard to be considerate and not judgmental.

"I said it was nothing, I have to meet someone for an appointment. I gotta get going-"

"I'm giving you a chance. This is it right now! And you're blowing it! We've been sitting in this room for almost an hour! I have tests to grade and meetings to go to! I don't have time to kill and I'm wasting it with you! So treat me with respect and answer my question. I'm your teacher, not your friend."

If his words had any reaction, Naruto didn't reflect it.

"Sorry."

Iruka watched as Naruto quickly left the room.

…

"No! NO! LET ME GO! MY PARENTS- MY PARENTS ARE BACK THERE!"

Someone was holding onto him as the entire village was being evacuated. People screamed and shouted, their voices so indistinguishable. But the only thing he could see, the only thing that mattered was the massive, giant fox.

Monsters were always described in such a large way that you, for you sure, thought you knew what they meant. It gets to the point where you aren't scared of it anymore and the descriptions feel like useless filler.

That is, until that description comes knocking on your doorstep.

Iruka had never seen something so big. Its paws were the size of houses. Massive flinging tails mashing into trees, leveling the ground. It emanated a burning red.

But the worst thing.

The worst thing was its massive grin.

Foxes always sorta looked like they were smiling, but the Nine Tails's was unnaturally wide, showing off sharp sets of teeth.

Big red eyes filled with sheer enjoyment. Or at least, it looked like it.

It was a tailed beast. A monstrosity. Not only that, but the worst one. The most dangerous one of all. It was terrifying.

The story mothers tell their children to make them behave. A nightmare.

But it was real.

And it was here.

"LET ME GO! I HAVE TO HELP THEM, I HAVE TO- I HAVE TO-!"

But just as he uttered those words, the world swirled away into blackness.

Iruka jumped awake, sweat beading down his face. He grabbed a coat and went outside.

He sat on the bench. He was out again, at night. Couldn't help it. Couldn't sleep.

He kept thinking about what he'd said earlier.

'wasting it with you'.

That was such a cruel thing to say, especially to an eight year old. Especially for making him stay behind even though he clearly didn't want to. The stress of school and his parent's death was getting to him.

It was only two days until that day. Two days, he'd be fine after that. Good thing October 10 was a day off. He could work on school work and keep himself busy through the day.

No more being mean.

He had to start being a teacher and not letting his own emotions get to him. He needed to be someone his kids could look up and come to for support. Sasuke needed a guiding hand; he'd already stopped talking to Shikamaru and Choji.

But the only way he could help others was if he helped himself. Self reflection and analyzation. But that wasn't easy. It was so not easy.

He wished more than anything to hear what his mom would say. What advice she'd give him? How could he become a better person? What'd he need to do? Where should he start? And how do you begin apologizing for what he said.

The kid didn't seem to care. Like they hadn't even fazed him.

Crap, he'd messed up.

Big time.

Maybe it wasn't too late.


	7. Too Late

**I apologize for the inconvenience. Also, warning, this one isn't easy. Call it the climax, if ya want. It's not really, but that's ok.**

_**Chapter 7: Too Late**_

Naruto walked the streets. It was a clear sky, a much better departure from the gray swirling clouds that reminded him too much as sacks of floating unhappiness.

Normally, Naruto would've hold himself up inside the apartment and not come out until the next day. But it was suffocating him. He needed to get out.

He couldn't sleep, which wasn't new. He was nine now. Didn't feel any different, didn't change anything. He was still weak. He was still dumb. He was still useless.

It didn't matter.

_**Nothing ever matters, boy. That's why rules are always doomed to fail. There will always be war, there will always be death, there will always be hate. Get it through your skull.**_

The sky was scattered with beautiful stars that danced and fluttered in the night sky. The pale moon shone brightly illuminating the path. The night sky was truly spectacular sometimes.

But tonight, it seemed so dull.

_**Tonight was the night I died. **_

"You're not dead."

_**I might as well be.**_

Naruto quickened his pace when he heard noises behind him. Not tonight. Not tonight. Not tonight.

But fate rarely gave him a break.

"Hey demon kid."

It was the same group of kids every time. Naruto has known them for as long as he could remember. Though he hadn't learned any of their 'd all grown up in the same nursery. Their parents didn't survive.

The leader had dark black hair and dark purple eyes. Eyes that burned with hate and malice. His face was young but he was a year older than Naruto. Well, yesterday he was.

The ones beside him looked similar to him. Naruto had often wondered if they were siblings or nature decided to be lazy and copy/paste. Though they weren't duplicates. You could tell that some of them were heartier than the others, specifically the one in charge.

They hated him. Ever since he'd known them, there wasn't a second that they didn't spend making him feel worthless.

Though that wasn't a hard thing to do.

Personally, Naruto didn't hate them. Didn't think he ever could, even if he wanted to.

Whenever he saw the hate in their eyes or feel their unrelenting anger, he couldn't help but feel guilty.

He was chasing them so much pain by just being alive.

_**You're so infuriating, you know that?**_

"This is the day, the day y-you...killed them. And you just walk around like you didn't do anything wrong?! You're sick!"

His voice quivered, whether from choking down tears or actual fear, he couldn't tell.

Naruto felt a lump swell in his throat. He didn't want to hurt them. He didn't want to upset them…

But he never gets what he wants.

Never.

Naruto turned around and faced them. He was still staring at the ground, avoiding the pained and aggravated faces.

And their eyes.

"We told you to leave. And you didn't. So now you're gonna see what happens when you disobey your masters."

Naruto hadn't expected the club. Never in all the time that he'd known him had they ever used weapons.

So the metal bat that slammed into his chest was shocking. The pain was enough to make him stumble and lose his balance. Naruto coughed up blood as he fell into some cardboard boxes.

Why did he always end up in the alleyway?

_**Because you're street filth. **_

Another slam impacted him in his gut. The pain fired his insides and made him feel like he was burning. Or was that Kurama? Sometimes, he would make his body sting with heat and a burning sensation. But he only did that when he was mad. Which didn't happen often.

So it probably wasn't that.

It hurt.

It hurt so bad. The kind of pain that just kept going. The kind that wouldn't let you sleep. It seared his skin, blood welling from the impacts. He probably didn't look good. He laid there, in the boxes, gritting his teeth to the point where it felt like they might break. He hadn't been able to suppress the cry from the first impact but he was managing a lot better.

His body felt so limp, like he couldn't move anything, even if he tried.

His skin felt so hot and sticky from warm blood. It irritated him. But he had no want to move.

Another hit, the sound of metal slashing against flesh. He heard it before he felt it. It sounded sorta like smacking down a particularly heavy box. But the feeling hit hard. An unbearable sting and absolute backlash.

It was awful. It was painful.

It was scary.

_**Scardy cat.**_

Naruto squeezed his eyes shut and held his breath, waiting for the next blow.

But it didn't come.

At least, not how he'd expected. One of the kids grabbed his neck and yanked it upward.

Naruto opened his eyes, confused and scared as he felt something shoved onto his face. He felt kids pin him down.

For once in life, he fought back.

Naruto struggled against his confinements, too scared and bewildered to care. But they're hands suspended his weak body, pressing into his wrists.

One of them continued latching whatever it was to his face, so tight that he was having a hard time breathing. It was made of leather and metal. It was so heavy, almost smothering.

Naruto had never been so scared.

After whatever they'd put on was securely tied to his face, he backed off and told the others do to the same.

"There, you can't hurt anyone anymore. Be a good boy and get the he*l out of here."

Naruto didn't wait. He scrambled to his feet. He felt his legs crumble below him.

But he kept running.

He kept running and running and running.

Finally, he reached his apartment and slammed the door shut. He didn't bother locking it.

_**Such a crybaby.**_

Naruto didn't care. He cried. He sobbed into himself like he'd never done before.

He hadn't cried since he was five, when he finally realized what they meant by 'jinjuriki'. That he had murdered, and killed, and that no one would ever love him.

The day when he was so alone that he wished for someone, anyone to just talk to him.

The worst mistake he'd ever made.

_**Don't go crying over spilt milk.**_

The _thing_ on his face kept keeping him from burying himself into his shirt.

Naruto struggled with it, trying desperately to pull it from his face. He dug into his skin and finally yanked it off. It toppled to the floor. The metal shining in the moonlight, blood running down from where he'd taken it off.

_**It's a muzzle.**_

He sobbed, didn't restrain himself.

He cried because he was scared. He cried because he couldn't sleep. He cried because he knew that he deserved it, because he deserved a lot worse. He cried because he could. Because it felt good.

He cried because he was pathetic and that's what pathetic things do.

After a while, the tears dried out. His shirt was soaked and his eyes hurt so, soo much. His head throbbed from too much light in the pitch black room.

Naruto laid there, leaning on the door.

What was the point?

It would be better… if he wasn't here.

_**What are you doing?**_

Naruto picked himself up and put the muzzle in the closet, closing it tight. He didn't wanna do this anymore. He was going to end this.

_**WHAT ARE YOU DOING?**_

He knew a place high enough. Should do the trick.

_**Stop it, boy! Don't you dare think that! Don't make me angry!**_

Naruto argued with himself on whether or not to write a note. He decided not to. Anything he said would just be dumb.

No one cared anyway.

_**NARUTO, STOP IT THIS INSTANT OR I'LL-**_

"You'll what?"

…

Just one look. That's it. Then he'd force himself to sleep at home and get some rest.

He'd told himself to stay inside but he just couldn't help it. He wanted to see it.

His mother's tea shop.

At least, where is once was. It had long since been replaced by a flower shop. Ino's family owned the business and kept it going.

Iruka wasn't sure what he was expecting. He'd seen the flower shop so many times before and it never brought him anything but a shrug.

So why on earth did seeing it sound like a good idea? Or even just a logical one.

The moon glowed a depressingly pale color, illuminating his path. He'd memorized the street at an early age so walking to it in the dark wasn't a challenge.

Though, the sky was already brightening. So it didn't really matter that there wasn't much light.

The flower shop was located near the old water tower. It hadn't been used in such a long time that Iruka wasn't sure why it was still there. It was pretty big.. While it wasn't the tallest thing, falling from that height would definitely do some damage. If you landed wrong, you could die instantly.

Iruka and his friends thought that it was a great idea to hang around there when they were kids. Showed that they were fearless and if danger ever came knocking at their door, they'd be ready.

How wrong they were.

Sometimes, they'd have a little game where they'd see how close someone would stand to the edge. The winner had to pay for their next trip to a restaurant. Though he always got a thorough lecture from his parents afterwards.

It wasn't unusual to see kids climbing it since the ladder was easily accessible.

So when he saw a silhouetted figure on top, he thought nothing of it.

That is, until he heard it. A sound that would haunt him til the day he died.

A loud, deafening thud followed by the softest scream he'd ever heard.


	8. A Broken Boy

**"Did you copy Zooto-"**

**SHUT UP BEFORE YOU FACE THE WRATH OF MY UNFILTERED TYPING!**

**NDJJRHWUIZEJ4O9JRISJBBHKDIHSBH;#&JFJDHEIHXBFBBDBXNXNN!**

**(Ps. That was totally a joke. I have no ill will towards anyone who has commented that or feels that way.)**

**Chapter 8: A Broken Boy**

Iruka raced to the sound immediately, spinning himself around to see the worst sight he'd ever seen.

It churned his stomach to the point where he felt like he was going to throw up.

The child's legs were broken, and motionless in ways that they shouldn't be. Blood spilled and pooled from the impact. It splattered everywhere like a bottle of saki being opened.

He saw the boy's motionless body.

It was Naruto.

That was Naruto.

Iruka felt his body move before he could even process what he was seeing. Slapping sandals echoed against pavement, rushing forward with fear and anxiety. He immediately cradled the boys head, which was bleeding slightly, and checked for a pulse.

Iruka almost cried from relief as he felt heartbeats. But that quickly overturned by how profusely he was still bleeding.

He wasted no time scooping Naruto up as he began his race to the hospital. The only thought circulating in his mind, _please don't die._

Iruka rushed into the hospital as he saw staff changing shift. Before he could even say something, he was immediately rushed into a waiting room while Naruto was taken to the ER. Iruka was going a mile a minute so when all he could do was wait, he realized what he'd just seen.

A suicide attempt.

It was definitely not an accident. Not even the most rebellious kids are out that late climbing towers. Not to mention Naruto wasn't that type of kid. It made no sense and shook him.

He tried to kill himself.

An eight year old tried to kill themselves!

That was way too young, way too young. He was still a child. A boy. Someone's son. He wasn't even old enough to be a Genin.

Suicide wasn't unheard of. It happened and it was always heartbreaking.

But Naruto was a kid. Everyone he'd ever heard of were adults or near adulthood. The fact that the sting of hopelessness and desperation could be found in a child broke him like he never thought anything could.

There should have been signs, right?

And there he was, completely oblivious to apparently, everything.

He should've seen something, right? He should have paid more attention. He should've been there. He was so preoccupied with himself that he couldn't see this.

A horrible thought permeated through his mind and refused to leave.

What if he hadn't been there?

He'd landed on his legs, sure. But he easily could've bled out. Would anyone have found him in time? Considering how quiet the actual scream was, it was unlikely.

He felt a hand on his shoulder. It was a doctor, slightly frazzled but still calm.

"Iruka, he's okay. He's stable. I can't imagine what would've happened if you hadn't been there. You saved his life."

Iruka took no comfort from that. He might've stopped it, but he could've stopped it sooner. He could've done something, anything.

But he didn't.

Iruka did nothing.

Might as well have pushed him off the water tower.

He felt ill. No child should ever go through that. Scratch that, no one should ever have to go through that.

Well, he wasn't even sure what Naruto was going through but he knew he didn't deserve it.

It must've been bad.

…

_**I am going to kill you.**_

Naruto opened his eyes slightly. The sound of a beeping machine filled his ears and the smell of sterilization filled the air.

Great. It didn't work.

_**I am going to kill you. Do you have any idea the kind of stunt you pulled?! I almost DIED because of you, worthless little brat!**_

Yup. It really didn't work.

Naruto tried to move but found that he couldn't feel anything in his legs.

_**They're broken.**_

That'd explain it.

Naruto still hadn't opened his eyes. Some sunlight was pouring in from the side and it felt good on his eye lids.

This wasn't supposed to happen. Who would even care enough to save him? And why?

Naruto heard someone place something on the table and out of curiosity, he looked to see who'd done it.

Iruka was sitting by the bed in a chair. He seemed to be looking at his hands and had big bags under his eyes. Like Naruto's did.

He glanced by the window on his right side.

It temporarily blinded for a minute, blinking profusely. His head throbbed and he seemed to be covered in bandages.

_**Took a nose dive off a building, of course you're covered in bandages!**_

Iruka glanced at him and blinked in surprise.

Naruto managed to let out a 'sorry' through his sore rib cage. Breathing was a lot harder than usual, must've broken a rib.

"S-sorry? For what? What do you have to be sorry about?"

_**Wrong again. You really are incredibly idiotic.**_

"Making a scene, I guess…"

Iruka continued staring at him in disbelief and pity.

He was getting sick of that look even if this was the first time he'd gotten it. He didn't like people looking at him like he was sick little puppy. But then again, he didn't like people looking at him in general.

"Listen, I'm the one who should be apologizing. I only made things worse for you… can you forgive me…?"

"Forgive you for what?" Naruto knew that wasn't the answer he wanted but he's still incredibly tired and not in the mood to just… answer.

"...for hating you."

Iruka seemed to bury his hands deeper into his lap and squeeze his eyes tighter as he said it.

"You don't have to apologize. It's fine-"

" FINE?! Nothing's fine about any of this! No one should ever hate a child for nothing, especially not their own student! You didn't do anything wrong…"

Naruto mumbled a laugh.

He didn't realize how, so so wrong he was. He had every reason to hate him. He'd lied to him and ignored him, that was enough already.

Besides, he wasn't worth an apology. But Naruto didn't really wanna keep discussing it so he just let it drop with a 'kay'.

_**I'm still mad at you. **_

Kay.

_**I want an apology.**_

Kay.

_**And I want you to bleed.**_

Kay_**.**_

_**Don't 'Kay' me, you filthy brat!**_

Kay.

The silence, for once, was somewhat soothing. Naruto was hoping that Iruka would leave but he didn't. He just kept sitting there, like he didn't have anything better to do. Which Naruto highly doubted.

…

Iruka was troubled and hurt by Naruto's reaction. Of all the people to be apologizing, it shouldn't be him. A kid shouldn't have to apologize for trying to kill themselves.

What he did was… wrong. But he shouldn't have to apologize. And he definitely shouldn't have to apologize for being stopped.

Did someone tell him to? The thought was so awful. To think that someone would tell them to kill themselves, let alone a child, was so horribly wrong.

Iruka knew that some of the kids in his class weren't that kind but Iruka ignored it. Just like the kid did.

Or maybe he hadn't ignored it.

And just pretended to.

The kid had fallen back asleep. It wasn't a surprise, considering what he'd just been through. But the bags under his eyes were much too prevalent to ignore, even if you tried.

He hadn't been sleeping either. Guess they were in the same boat.

They were in the same boat for a lot of things.

Iruka was no stranger to being alone. Ever since his parents died, he'd gotten left in the dust. Friends were either too busy hanging out with their parents after the scare or mourning their own.

No one had time anymore.

He got lost in the dust, alone and forgotten. Like an old stuffed animal thrown into the trash. He was just a relic of the past. A reminder of what used to be.

So he craved the spotlight.

Iruka would do anything just for someone to notice him. He'd mess up on purpose, pull pranks, and sleep in class. It wasn't positive attention but it was more than he usually got.

Naruto, on the other hand, was comfortable remaining a shadow. A backdrop in the background, unnoticed, overlooked. Maybe he didn't want to be noticed. After all, children weren't nice. People weren't nice.

Especially not to jinjuriki.

Sometimes Iruka forgot that he was an orphan. It was a little weird to think that he lived alone, made his own meals, and paid his own rent. To have never known the love of parents. To never have had a friend. Robbed of a childhood, a time when the world made sense. He squeezed his eyes and covered them with his hands. He hadn't left the room since he'd brought him here.

Iruka was incredibly tired and the nurse, Cho, noticed.

"Iruka, you don't have to stay here all day. He's probably going to be sleeping for the next couple of days as he heals. He's already doing much better, which is a little surprising." She said, her tone incredibly concerned and delicate.

"I don't wanna leave."

"Iruka, you need to sleep too. You know how bad it can be to not rest. I don't want to see you hurting yourself. You can come back in a couple of hours after you've rested."

Looks like he didn't have a choice.


	9. An Invasion of Privacy

_**Chapter 9: An Invasion of Privacy**_

The third Hokage grimaced as he looked at the notes scribbled onto the paper.

It would've been crazy to not search the apartment but he still felt somewhat guilty. So much of what should be his personal life was ripped away from him. So it seems almost like he was taking that away on top of it all.

The longer he stared hadn't made it any easier to read. It was the overview of what they'd found in Naruto's apartment. To say the least, it was unpleasant.

For a start, his window was broken and had cardboard placed over it. Which wasn't too surprising because of what they found next.

A dozen notes, each with bricks to accompany them, all telling him to leave the village and to not come back. The writing seemed rushed and scrambled, most likely trying to avoid punishment.

More investigation led to them discovering a bloody kunai lying in the farthest end of the closet. Bloodstains seemed to cake the floor in an unnatural, unnecessary way.

Foundation in the bathroom, blood soaked cloths; you couldn't deny it.

But by far the worst thing they'd found was the muzzle. It had some dried blood and had been in the closet, like most of the other items discovered.

It looked like it had been ripped off.

Bullying.

And from the looks of it, for months, maybe years.

The Third Hokage sighed and rubbed his misty eyes. He wished this was all a terrible and brutal surprise but it really wasn't.

He knew that people hated the Nine Tails. Just mere association with the beast would lead to misery. Let alone being the jinjuriki of it.

He had wished more than anything that he could have hidden it. That he could have prevented this from ever happening.

It was his responsibility. Naruto was a child of the government, he was his legal guardian, entrusted by his father. That he would be a hero.

He couldn't imagine a child, let alone and eight year old digging into their skin as some sort of self inflicted punishment. Or as an escape from emotional turmoil.

This can't go on. He won't let it. Not when it almost made them lose a little boy. The village was filled with too much hate and fear.

None of them were bad people but none of them were completely innocent.

He wasn't innocent.

The Third Hokage ruffled his brow and took a long deep breath.

He had to talk to him.

…

When the Third Hokage entered the room, Naruto didn't look up. He couldn't look him in the eyes. Not after causing all that trouble and excess stress.

Naruto respected the Third Hokage, even more than most. He was so strong but incredibly kind. He always seemed to be taking care of everyone, or at least, the kids like him. The ones without parents. He was kinda like a big old grandpa. Someone everyone loved and who reciprocated the same love.

He wished he could be like that.

But he was a jinjuriki.

_**You don't deserve love.**_

It was wishful thinking.

He sat down, by his bed frame, facing the seat towards him.

He didn't speak for the longest time, instead deciding to look around the hospital room. The amount of white in hospitals was a tad alarming. It usually felt cold and uninviting, like nothing could ever truly live or even function there.

He hated hospitals. It reminded him too much of the hostile, cold nursery where he'd spent the majority of his early years.

_**You're so dramatic. No one cares, worthless little street rat. You better not mess things up more or you're going to regret it. **_

There was a single vase of flowers by the bed stand. Iruka had been refreshing the flowers every now and again.

Naruto wasn't sure why he bothered. He wasn't worth the flowers.

The Third Hokage was waiting for him to face him.

Naruto still didn't look up.

"We searched your apartment."

Naruto winced but tried to hide as best he could.

_**Shouldn't be too hard considering you're always hiding everything, useless little coward.**_

"I have a couple of questions for you. I need you to answer truthfully. For your sake and for others."

Who's been harassing you?"

That was gonna be harder to tell. He'd sworn to himself that he would never tell anyone or blame anyone other than himself. He wasn't going to let their justified anger end them in hot water.

He couldn't do that to them. Not after everything else he did.

Naruto shrugged and mumbled "I don't know their names…"

_**Ahh, clever little trash, aren't we?**_

The Third Hokage raised his head up slightly and took a mental note.

Naruto didn't know why the Hokage cared either. He was the Hokage after all. He was important.

He took a deep breath and continued.

"Alright. How long have you felt this way? And how long have you been cutting?"

The last question stung him with a fiery punch to the gut. He didn't like that question. He really didn't like it.

_**Yeah, like we're going to stop.**_

Naruto took his time, slowly forming a plan within his head.

"I dunno, I guess I've kinda always been like this?"

"And the cutting?"

"I don't know what you're talking about when you say 'cutting'."

"I don't believe you."

Naruto paused and closed his eyes, breathing before replying, "I don't wanna answer that."

"Fair enough," the Third Hokage said. genuinely surprising Naruto. He hadn't thought that he would actually drop it.

This was going fine enough, considering how many questions he was managing to avoid.

If it continued like this, he could completely skip over-

"Why?"

_**Tsk. Really thought you could get away from it?**_

Naruto opened his eyes and looked at him.

"That's the only question I wan- no, I need to answer truthfully. I need nothing but the truth, even if you think I might not like it."

Naruto could feel his whole body shake, but did his best to suppress it. He squeezed his eyes shut, breathing in and out.

_**Go on, trash. Tell him why.**_

He never thought he'd have to tell anyone. He never wanted to tell anyone ever.

"Why?"

Naruto breathed mustering all his tears down his throat and tried to speak in his most controlled voice.

"I thought I could take him with me."

…

The Third Hokage sighed and fiddled with his hands. Even though he was expecting an answer like that, or at the very least something similar, it was still awful to hear. And from a child… he had failed Naruto.

He could've done more.

He should've done more.

He was supposed to be recognized as a hero. But he only saw himself as a villain. Someone who wasn't worth life.

The Third Hokage had seen many good men and women take their own lives for one reason or another.

He wished he didn't have to push him further but he needed to confirm his suspicions.

"Who's the he?"

No response. Naruto still hadn't opened his eyes, gripping onto the blanket like a lifeline.

"It's _him._"

"Do you mean the Nine Tailed-"

"His name is Kurama and yes. He is the one I was talking about."

He processed the child's answer slowly, a thousand questions forming in his mind all at once.

"How do you know his name?"

Naruto sat silently on the bed, staring absentmindedly at the coverings of the hospital bed. Machines tinked quietly in the background, the silence thickening with each second.

This seemed to be an even harder question. He hated doing this, especially since the wounds are still fresh and tangible but he needed to know. The Third Hokage had a sinking suspicion that he was hiding a lot more than he'd like.

"He told me."

Told him? It shouldn't be possible. That shouldn't be possible. How could he be able to? Why on earth didn't he tell anyone?

The Third Hokage furrowed his brows. How much had the Nine Tails told him? What was that _beast_ telling him?

They were name to name basis so it's not occasional, 'hey there'.

As if it wasn't already impossible enough, his anger for the fox grew at an alarming rate.

"Are you saying that-"

"Yeah. I'm tired, can I sleep some more?"

"Of course, of course…" the Third Hokage mumbled, getting up from the chair.

He got ready to leave the room, placing his hand over his mouth.

He silently left the room and leaned on the wall.

Oh go*.


	10. From Now On

~FRRRROOOOOMMMMM NNNOOOOOOOWWWWW OOONNNNNNNNNNNN~

Chapter 10: From Now On

Iruka woke up and got ready for work. The weekend was over and it was time to get back. Iruka made toast and quietly ate it in his house. It was really quiet. Which was fine. He got dressed, the sunlight pouring into the room. The sun had finally come back for a bright and sunny day.

But it seemed really dull.

In a horrible way, Iruka wanted things to be like they were before. That he could live with the occasional nightmares and sleepless nights and be done with it.

But that wasn't even a possibility anymore.

One of his own students had tried to kill themselves because of his indecisiveness and neglect.

Iruka had been stopping by every day to see Naruto. He'd asked for the make up he'd have to do while he was gone.

Iruka hadn't been planning on giving him any, but he seemed eager for things to do. Couldn't blame him, especially since hospitals are infuriating. There's barely anything you can do with them.

If Iruka didn't know any better, he would've sworn that Naruto _liked_ having him around. But that probably wasn't true. He probably hated him.

Iruka had been signed up for counseling and other things like that. Though he wasn't sure how that'd help. The sound would never go away. It was just as permanent of a scar as the one across his face.

And now he had to teach a class.

One of his colleagues offered to cover for him but Iruka wanted to do this.

He needed a good enough distraction.

…

"I heard it took a swan dive off the old water tower."

Iruka's heart almost stopped as he entered class. The first thing he'd heard. It still echoed in his ears, like a second voice taunting him in his head.

Iruka fought every urge in his body telling him to slap whoever said that across the face, hard.

But he didn't.

He shook himself and made his way to the front of the class, waiting there to address everyone. Kids were snickering or sitting in their seats. Sasuke was sitting down in his usual place, unflinched by any of the spreading rumors. Shikamaru and Choji seemed content to just talk to each other, about what, Iruka couldn't tell. It seemed like any normal day.

Except for all the rumors.

And the fact that someone was missing.

He took attendance and made a mental note that Hinata was not as school today, probably sick.

Iruka cleared his throat and explained what they'd be doing today.

"Today, we'll be practicing some simple substitution jutsus. They're fairly simple but it's really important to hone the basics."

"Substitution? Such a drag…"

"Oh come on! We're past that already! Give us something challenging!" Kiba said, cracking his knuckles.

"Do you want to teach the lesson? I'd love to have the day off."

"Err… well… nevermind."

Iruka smiled and rolled his eyes. Class felt a little more normal.

He could do this.

This was fine.

"Iruka Sensei, are you okay?" Sakura asked.

"I'm fine, thanks for asking."

"You look pale and nervous." Shino said. The entire class, including Iruka turned to Shino. He was incredibly quiet and barely ever said a word. He had an edge to his voice and attitude not usually found in kids.

" So you're lying. Is it because of Naruto?"

The elephant in the room. He couldn't avoid it any longer. He had to address this.

"The demon brat's alive, at least from what I heard." Sota mumbled, leaning back into the bench, rolling his dark purple eyes.

Iruka swore he heard his mind snap in half like a twig someone had broken right in half.

He'd had enough. He couldn't take it. He really didn't want to blow up in front of his class but this had to stop; now.

"The next person who says anything about Naruto gets detention for the next two weeks," Iruka said, his voice cold, harsh and unfathomably angry.

The entire class silenced. No one had expected that kind of reaction. But Iruka was in no mood to think calm and rationally about what to say next.

"I am so sick and tired of you guys treating this sort of stuff like a joke! Losing loved ones is NOT funny. None of this is funny! If you think I can't hear you whispering, then you're dead wrong! I know exactly what some of you are talking about so I'd try to not get my attention!"

The sharpness in his words reopened the wounds he'd previously been trying to hard to shove down, at least for today.

"We have school work to attend to. Get out your notebooks and review the substitution jutsu because we'll be practicing it in a couple of minutes. Get to work."

Iruka sighed as everyone in the room, except Sasuke, got out their notebooks. Iruka sighed, grabbing his neck to avoid any further confrontation. It was kinda like a comfort. Something to remind him, that yes, everything is going to be alright.

But could he honestly say that? Iruka wasn't sure anymore.

He wasn't sure about anything.

…

Naruto decided that he liked Iruka. He couldn't place it but being around him wasn't as awkward as before. It was more…

_**Nice? That the word you're looking for. You're a lost cause, you know. If you can forget the easiest word in the history of ever, you might as well quit.**_

He tested his legs on the floor. Technically, he shouldn't have been moving at all but he could finally move his legs after so long that he just sorta had to.

Naruto pushed weight onto his feet, the tensing pressure springing up his body, making him incredibly grateful he was still sitting on the bed. Naruto tried to press more weight but his legs stubbornly refused to.

After about thirty minutes of trying, Naruto got caught by one of the nurses. She scolded him and put him back in the bed. It was annoying but he couldn't really argue.

They weren't healed yet. Maybe with crutches, he'd be able to attend class.

_**When did you ever want to go to class?**_

Naruto shuffled and picked up stack of books Iruka had let him borrow. Naruto read through them, which wasn't the easiest but he sorta understood.

He mimicked the hand signs in the book and mumbled the words as a sort of practice. Wasn't the most efficient way to train but it'd have to do.

_**All right, what's with you? You never cared about any of this before. What's up?**_

"Nothing," Naruto mumbled, focusing on the content, trying to piece together everything he'd missed.

Technically, he hadn't missed anything yet but he would obviously be staying for a few more days. He hated the hospital.

He didn't like the attention; he was very used to being floral in a background.

_**Useless and meaningless.**_

Naruto was itching to get out of here. Literally. Kurama was just as grumpy, or even more so, than he was.

_**Can't do it here, too many people. **_

Kurama hated company, which became much more evident when Iruka was there. He constantly mocked every single thing he said which was a tad hard to hear. Sometimes Naruto could barely focus on what his sensei was saying so he'd just nod. Naruto was certain he'd apparently agreed with two or three things he shouldn't have.

He didn't even like the nurses, often making comments about their hesitance to help a child.

But he could tell he hated Iruka the most. Naruto wasn't quite sure why.

He continued completing the homework with the vigor of a child ripping open a gift. The sunset glistened off the flowers and water, reminding him that the day was coming to a close.

_**You're hopeless.**_

"Guess so."

_**So you're going for the ninja thing?**_

"Yes."

_**Why? Not that I'm against it. I like the idea of stretching once and a while.**_

"Iruka's hands are big."

_**Uhhh, what? **_

"I want mine to be that big."

_**That's the only reason?!**_

"I also want to be Hokage."

_**Why?**_

"I said I did."

_**Whatever… you won't be one.**_

"Aim high, right?"

_**I don't like what this guy's doing to you. You do understand that he hates you and is only pretending to be nice. We did kill his parents.**_

Naruto put the book down and laid his head on the bed.

"I don't care."

The End

:)

of Act 1

YOOOOOO, I got U! This is ACT 1 of possibly FIVE. You thought this was over? NO! More sadness is to come! Stay tuned!

But in all seriousness, Act 2 will take a lot longer. Partly because I have rewrite the entire series to fit changes and revelations. And partly because I want it to be better than Act 1. But I also really don't wanna stop writing mi depressed bean. So I've come up with a solution. 5 Q and A sessions with our lovely duo, Kurama and Naruto. I've got two rules tho. No asking about stuff that might be considered spoilers (to elaborate, stick to stuff that happened in the OG, not SHIPPUDEN). And two, no asking about stuff that might end up happening in the story (ex. 'Are you going to try again?' or 'Will you ever stand up to Kurama?'). I say that cuz I want to keep this story fresh with surprises and twists around each corner. And….. I still haven't finished SHIPPUDEN. Don't kill meh, okay?! I'm only fifteen!

So PM me (nu commenting cuz then peeps can see that) all the questions ya got and I'll try to hit as many of them as physically possible. you will get credit for the question unless u dont want it. (Btw, u CAN ask about ships and their opinions, but keep in mind, they will most likely not be as open to certain ones as peeps might like. Keep in mind that this does not take place in the 21st century. He's also 9 so PLEASE do not be that ONE person).


	11. The Final Chapter (a goodbye)

Hey its me. M Sarah C.

Been a while right?

Yeah it has.

So you've heard this spill from me before, but its different this time. This time is the last time. Its time i finally explain. I hope you can forgive me for putting it off so long.

So.

This was a vent piece.

I'm not sure how many of you figured it out. But that's what it was. My Only Friend was a personification of my own thoughts and feelings. It was written when I was coming out of the worst spot of my life.

Don't get me wrong, I never cut myself, though I thought about doing it a lot. I would beat myself sometimes, but only once did it leave a bruise.

The personality and incredibly harsh, sadistic voice of Kurama was modeled after my own internal voice. Mean, sharp, and such dominating, demanding voice.

The feels of suicide were heavy on me during Middle School. I'd thought about doing it a lot, one night getting dangerously close to trying it.

The bitter, repittiveness, and overtly horrible feelings I had translated into my work.

I'm not telling you this to make you feel sorry by the way, I'm just trying to explain the motivation behind this piece.

The reality of this story's existence is actually the mark of its downfall.

It was a vent.

The thing about feelings is, they fade.

I got help, like at the end of the story.

I got medication.

I saw someone.

The voice isn't gone but I can hear it less. I'm better at pushing it out.

I'm better at talking with people.

I'm better at expressing my emotions.

I got better.

I guess the reason I'm telling you all this is so you don't see a fanfiction anymore. You see me, my story.

Cuz it kinda is my story.

Its unpolished,

Its messy,

Its incoherent at times.

But it's my story.

And I hope it can inspire you.

Naruto and Shippuden were there for me. Naruto was and still is kinda my hero. A testiment to pushing through the hard times. That you can be happy no.matter your circumstances. To never give up.

I love the show and I love you all.

All throughout Act 1, everyone was so happy and positive. It validated my pain and made me feel worthwhile.

I'm not making more.

I can't. I don't have those same feelings or emotions or the need for this story.

I'm moving on to bigger and better things, even my own original comics.

I tamed my nine tailed fox.

I hope you can too.


End file.
